Monday, March 31, 2008
See, Dagny has a drawing of her name downstairs that her granpa John got her in New York City while he was waiting for theater tickets. It's her name drawn in rainbow colors and dolphins and rainbows, and things like that. When Marc was at Disneyland (on business, if you can believe that...) he bought one for our son, with bamboo, dragons, and other oriental symbols and its fabulous. Only he spelled his name Ephrom.
In my head, it had always been spelled Ephraim, so I was a bit shocked by the spelling from Marc, but I thought "Well, it's not bad, really" and I ran with it.
The other night, Marc told me that we had to spell it right and we'll get Ephraim a new name sign to frame, one that is spelled correctly.
So his name is EPHRAIM, which means fertile in Hebrew and Amharic.
I told you it was a long story.
Today schools were closed and the museum wasn't open due to weather, so Dagny and I are home doing mommy and daughter things. The snow has sort of stopped, but Marc says the roads are still bad, so we'll just stay home. I had been so hoping for spring...
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Please notice on the side that I have put up a paypal button for our fundraising tee shirts. Of course, I don't know if it will work until someone actually buys a shirt (this is subliminal...buy a shirt!) and then I'll post whether or not I was successful.
You guys rock. Without you, I would have a sad little blog, stuck in cyberspace, without any sort of interesting things attached to it, much less the stunning blogs of others and a fundraising opportunity.
I can't say enough good things about the yahoogroups for AWAA members adopting from Ethiopia. Everyone there is so wonderful and so supportive, I've never felt more welcome. And I've never met any of them in person! How's that for silly!? We've heard each other's voices on conference calls, I read their blogs, I even have a few of their pictures on my refridgerator, but I've never met them. I might have a chance to meet a few families that live close by in the Twin Cities sometime, but I look forward to some sort of gathering where we can all meet up, even if I've got to fly to get there!
Go buy a shirt! (Just kidding...)
Friday, March 28, 2008
They tell us it will take about 5 months, possibly as many as seven. That puts us right smack dab into July. That wouldn't be a problem except the courts close in August and September. Which means we might get a referral in July and have to wait until October for a court date, which would mean we wouldn't go and get him until November, which will throw a wrench into my parents plans, since they were supposed to go to Japan in November and they might have to cancel to watch Dagny. Whew...that was a long sentence. And there's no use worrying about the timing. That'll come as its supposed to, right? We'll just cross that bridge when we get there.
We had nine referrals this week on the yahoogroups site for Ethiopia through AWAA. NINE! that means in a month or so (hopefully) more children will come home! I am so happy for those families and I can't wait until it's my turn to go and get my son.
In other news, Granny is doing fine physically, but she is now on the medication for Alzheimers, since she no longer really recognizes us or knows what year it is. It's very hard to visit, but we try for a couple times a week at least.
My cousin Terri Jo had a baby this weekend as well, Sunday (Easter baby!) at 3:46 PM. His name is Isaac and he weighed 6 lbs, 11 ozs. They have not been able to take him home yet because he is having problems with his glucose levels, so keep him in your prayers. He is at the NICU in St. Paul, undergoing tests. He's so beautiful though.
And the wait just might kill me.
You know? I'm just not the journaling type. I accept that now. My blog is never updated, I never managed to write in the journal at home, and my pictures are in piles instead of in albums. I should hire a documentarist to keep track of everything.
Adoption news: We sent in the paperwork on Saturday! Whoo hoo! A huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders and I feel much better about everything. We've been told the wait for a boy is about 5-7 months. So maybe in August? With my luck, it'll be August. Marc and I are involved in Civil War Days here in Pipestone (in August) and this year I'm making a new dress, doing two different live presentations, and so you know what will happen, don't you?
I'll get the dress done, the presentations all prepared, and then we'll travel during the actual days! Which, if that's what it takes to get things moving, is okay. Ha.
But now its off my dresser. The copy is still there, but all the originals, all the stuff that ook so long, is finally on it\s way. Now we just wait and see.
With luck ,we'll be travelling with some of the other moms who are sending in or have sent in their papers. Alisa, Danielle, Alecia...you know who you are!
January 2, 2008
Okay, the holidays are over. Whew....that takes it out of you, doesn't it?
Adoption update: We've got all our paperwork done! At leat everything that we are responsible for. We are waiting on MN and CA to get our authentications back to us, all the other ones are here. And now we wait for the I-171, which I know will take awhile. And once that gets here, well...then we send in the dossier and wait for a referral! So we're almost over the hump of paperwork and into the valley of the wait. And a long wait it can be, as evidenced by recent events with other families.
The good news is, at the end of January or so, FIVE families will be travelling to get their beautiful babies. And I say beautiful, I've seen the pictures. Oh, they're amazing. The parents are so proud. And it's taken so long. I can't imagine what that will feel like when it finally arrives. I can't wait to see his picture. Every time I think about it, I cry.
In the meantime, Marc came up with a brilliant idea. We have formed TEAM HALL at our house, which means we are getting into shape to go get our son. We've got a sheet of paper on the wall where we are keeping track of weight an exercise so we can egg each other on. AND...I've finally started taking my vitamins again and trying to remember my steroid inhaler, to keep my asthma under control. My mother thinks I should visit a travel clinic before we go, just to get some advice.
She's right, though. We had a scare at Christmas and I landed in the ER with an asthma attack that my inhaler couldn't stop. I had come into contact with a mouse nest while cleaning my old blocks up for Dagny and that was all the trigger I needed. I haven't been to the ER for asthma since 2002, but that kind of put the fear of God into me, so now I'll try and control it. My doctor will be so happy.
Speaking of doctors, we're going to start getting our shots soon here, so we'll have those all done and won't have to worry. Should be good (see the sarcasm there?). I'm terrified, of course. Who wants to get vaccinated for scary diseases? I have it in my head that I'll get them... *snork* I'm so paranoid.
We had a good Christmas, with too many presents for the Dagster. She now has a kitchen set, food, and pans which she loves, more books, and more clothes. She's growing like a weed and starting to insist she doesn't need a nap. How annoying. She DOES need a nap, she just fights it. *sigh* We're working on that. And the whole potty training thing. I really wanted that done already, but she doesn't show any interest in GOING on the potty, just sitting on it and reading books. She must have learned that from her grandfather.
Another NY resolution? Journal more. At least once a week hopefully, just to keep everyone informed of what's going on with us and to keep my thoughts in order. Hopefully with this paperwork almost done and things returning vaguely to normal I'll be able to get myself on a better schedule and feel better about things. At least, that's my goal.You know how they say toddlers don't like change? I don't either, honestly. I can deal with it, but I prefer to be where things make sense and are the same. Such a homebody I am. Maybe this is the year to break out of that, too?
Well, we passed the home study! We knew we would, but its still a relief to have our social worker tell us that we did. So that's done. So now what?
Now, we have to send in all the various papers to the states in which they originated for authentication. Basically, the Sec. of State has to stamp his approval that the notary who signed our papers is who she says she is. Silly, but necessary. And unfortunately, we've got documents originating in SIX states. So now I have to hope that those go through quickly because if they do, then all we wait for is Immigration to tell us we can bring in an orphan. That takes typically three months. So if we're lucky, we can turn in our dossier in March of 2008.
Then the real waiting begins. Then its out of our hands and into God's and the Ministry of Women and Children's Affairs in Ethiopia, who will decide whether or not we'd be good parents and then send us a referral.
Cross your fingers.
I'll try to be better at updating.
Bad me! Took me long enough, didn't it? Well, there's so much going on that I get slowed down in some areas and forget about others completely. I'm sure you all know what I mean.
We're slowly making our way through our paperwork and making headway now, so I feel like there is a light at the end of the tunnel, which is good. Haven't felt that way in awhile.
Let's see, where to start...we were in the paper in the middle of November for National Adoption Month. It was a good article with a big picture, right on the front page. Made us feel pretty special.
However, in response to that article, someone from the community wrote us a very nasty letter about how we shouldn't fundraise because other families don't, and that our daughter was poorly behaved at church. It was completely bizarre and very hurtful.
Luckily, our pastor was also upset, as were people at Church council, so we know it's not the feelings of the church at large, just some busybody who felt like being mean. Whoever wrote it mailed it to us with no return address and didn't even sign it, so Pastor told us to just ignore it. Which is hard, but we're trying.
That, of course, did not stop us from fundraising! We had a fundraiser last night at Pizza Ranch which netted $375. Which is great! I bussed tables for two and a half hours, which was really fun, and lots of people came in and showed support, which was fabulous.
So in the next two years or so, there will be FIVE children from Ethiopia in Pipestone, which is a huge number considering the small population. It's very exciting. We'll all be connected on a deep level and I'm looking forward to that. Hopefully we even like each other. Ha.
Okay, so our final homestudy meeting is Saturday, and I'll write more then. Promise.
Yesterday, Stacie came to our house to do the interviews. We started with a tour to show her all the rooms and she thought our house was great (which is good, since I cleaned just for her).
Marc went first, so Dagny and I went to the store and played outside so they could talk privately. He said it went well. She needed a break between the two meetings so she could could them as two visits instead of one, so she went to see her grandmother in Luverne, which is about a half-hour away.
When she arrived at her grandmas, Grandma had fallen and cut her head open, so Stacie called and let us know what was going on. She took her grandma to the emergency room and we supposed she wouldn't come back.
Of course, she called right when we were getting ready for dinner and said she was coming back and was on her way! So we fed her, which won't get us extra points but was nice, and then she and I talked about the autobiography that I had written. There were a lot of questions. In fact, I wrote nine pages (Marc wrote about 3), but then again, I'm very verbose.
I can't even begin to go into detail about all those questions, but suffice it to say we talked for about two hours and it went quite well. Now we have one more to do and we'll probably go up to the cities for a weekend to get that one done. Not sure when, but it'll be soon so that process can be over.
This morning at church, I showed off our shirts for the fundraiser and lots of people want one, so hopefully we'll be able to make a little money to support our venture! :D
If YOU want a shirt, you should post a comment and I'll get the information to you. They're very nice. As soon as I figure out how to post a picture here, I will!
Well, the first meeting went great. Stacie, our coordinator, seems to be a very lovely woman and she made me feel right at home. Basically, the entire meeting was a get to know you kind of thing, though she did give us some bedtime reading (handouts) and we exchanged the paperwork that was completed. And don't forget the money.
It went much better than I thought it would and she eased my mind about the next home study which will actually be at our house. I asked her if I needed to clean from top to bottom and she informed me she wanted to see it lived in, which makes sense. If it were too clean, it would show just how anal I can be! :D So I should leave the dog hair on the couch, and the scuffs on the kitchen floor, and the dust on the top of my fridge. It's all normal, all everyday, and that's what she wants to see.
If only the entire process could be this easy.
October 10, 2007
So, our physicals were normal. Everything was fine: no HIV, no Tetanus, no Hepatitis, none of that. Even Dagny's TB test was negative. She was such a big girl for getting that, she didn't even fuss too much.
But she did insist on watching my blood test and stood right next to me. "Whatcha doin'?" she asks, in her small voice."I'm taking your mommy's blood," the tech replies."Hey, that's MOMMY'S blood," Dagny says, looking a bit mutinous. I have to reassure her that it's fine and the nice lady needs the blood to run some tests. She doesn't look as if she believes me.
Then, of course, I have to pee in a cup. There's nothing like trying to explain to a toddler (who is trying to learn to use the toilet) why Mommy is peeing into a cup instead of into the bowl. And there's performance anxiety involved here, since she stood right between my knees and stared at the cup very curiously.
But we made it through, with stickers and suckers to assure the kid (I didn't get one...sigh) and everyone went to lunch mostly happy.
Our Home Study occurs this Saturday, though not in our home. We're meeting our coordinator at a Happy Chef in Mankato for lunch and all of those things that come with a first home study. I have no idea what that entails, but you can be sure I'll write about it here.
And I really miss Cassie.
Today we had to give our youngest dog into rescue. Her name is Cassie and she is a 5 year old Australian Shepherd. I came late into dog ownership and she was my very first dog and I am heartbroken that she had to leave our family. But her jealousy of the baby has not gotten any better and it will only increase when a new child comes into our house. About four months ago, she began licking a spot on her leg until it was raw. Because of that, we put her in an e-collar (those satellite things) and hoped it would heal. It hasn't been healing. Every time I take the collar off to wash it and brush her, she starts licking it again and its raw all over. So she's been in the collar for four months.
We though perhaps a muzzle would help, instead of the e-collar, so we talked to the doctor and found a good one. And then we discovered she was peeing on the carpet and the furniture upstairs. In fact, we'd scold her for doing it right in front of us and she'd go do it somewhere else.
Not to mention the e-collar was being used as a weapon against Dagny. So we decided the best thing for our family and for Cassie would be to find her a new home where she could be an only dog and be loved. And she will be, she's a wonderful little dog. She just doesn't fit with our family anymore.
That doesn't make it easier. She is my little darling, has been for awhile. We got her when she was a puppy and she was my baby until Dagny came along. So I'm feeling pretty miserable. She left with Marc this morning at 3:30 AM to be delivered to the rescue lady. We checked the groups references, their track record, and I know she will be cared for until she finds a good home, but I miss her already. Our older dog, Atlas, cried when she left. I know that sounds weird, but he refused to go back to sleep and has been wandering around the house sniffing her favorite places.
We'll get better, but right now this really hurts.
Okay, so this morning Marc and I (and Dagny) have to go get physicals. They're going to test absolutely everything, from thyroid and liver function, to TB and Hepatits. And Dagny has to have a physical, too, though since she just had one recently, it's not a big deal for her. But it should be fun, a family visit to the doctor's office.
Marc is stressed out and worried that someone he won't be healthy enough to go through with this adoption. The only problem he has is being a bit overweight. Who in America isn't a bit overweight? (Supermodels not included). I'm a bit overweight (but going to Weight Watchers), I've got asthma, been diagnosed with PTSD (though its much better now), and have regular sinus infections.
Other than Marc's weight, he's as healthy as a horse. He has white coat syndrome, which means when a doctor gets close, he gets very nervous, so he's been tracking his blood pressure for the past two or three weeks to prove its good, because when our doctor takes it, it always seems high.I think we'll be fine. I will, of course, post our results here so you all can laugh. :)
We're doing pretty well on the paperwork so far, collecting the bits and pieces we need for our home study. With an exhibit going in at work, trying to get things in the house organized, and getting new carpet, I'm left with very little time to do anything else and i've determined that I simply scheduled too much to happen in one month. But I'll survive it. After next week, things will slow down and get much better.
And I should have more time to finish getting ALL the things I need for the study. I don't have to have it all for the first meeting, but the more I have done, the less I have to worry about. Basically, I need to finish our financial statement, write a short autobiography (which won't be very interesting) and prove that I'm employed. Not too bad, right? Marc has a bit more to do for himself, but he'll get it done eventually, if I poke him a bit.
Anyhoo, that's the news from the front as of today. I'll write more later.
Not Flesh of my Flesh
Nor Bone of my Bone
But still, miraculously
For a single minute
You didn't grow under my heart
But in it
-Fleur Conkling Heyliger
The above is a poem my mother gave to me (I'm adopted) and that is still hanging by my garage door so I can see it every time I leave the house. I have a canvas and I am going to paint the poem for my son, to hang in his room. I made a belly cast for my daughter, which is a plaster cast of my breasts and stomach at 8 months of pregnancy. She loves it.I can't cast my stomach for him, but I can give him something just as special.
We're using the poem on the back of a t-shirt that we are now producing as a fundraiser. Since the whole process is quite expensive, we figured we could use a little help. Another family that is adopting from Ethiopia gave us the idea and a hand in getting it all done. It's nice to have a support group.
We're putting a bible verse on the front: "I do not leave you orphans, I will come for you." John 14:18. Very fitting, if you ask me.
So, updates. We're in touch with our home study person and we should be meeting her for the first time on October 13th, to be followed by three more visits. At least one has to be at our house, and that one will be the end of October. The other three, to save a little money, we'll be meeting her halfway or in Minneapolis. We can make a fun family weekend out of it that way.
We've got the second round of paperwork at home now, and it's a bit daunting. I'm trying to get all the things together that we have so I can figure out what we need. It's going slow, but I think that's why they estimate more than a year. It takes a long time to get it all organized!
We've got to schedule physicals, too. Dagny just had hers and she's a completely healthy, normal, two year old. IU was expecting the doctor to say that, but it's always good to hear.We have a meeting with a neurologist for Granny on Friday morning, but the outlook is not great. No one seems to think she can recover from this.
So there's good things, and not so good things...
Okay, for those of you who don't know me, I usually suffer when I have to write a big check. I'm not a miser, but I like to be very careful with my money. Well, writing that check for $1500 was hard, even though I know in the long run its worth it.
It didn't help that we found new furniture for Dagny and also paid for that, AND we had to pay for our passports. Did you know that a passport is almost $100? That's insane. They weren't that much last time i got one, though I suppose if you count for inflation and bureaucracy it makes sense.
So the legal documents have been sent in. Now we wait for a family coordinator to get in touch with us so we can schedule our home study and get this all underway!
I still feel pregnant.
We received our first round of paperwork this week, with all the legal agreements that need to be signed and returned along with the first payment of $1500. Altogether, they expect us to spend somewhere around $19,000 including the week in Ethiopia, all the translations of our papers that will need to be made, and all the bureaucratic red tape that will have to be cut. Did you know it takes almost 6 months to get a passport? Thank you, Homeland Security. *catch that sarcasm*
So these papers that need to be signed, there is one page that is entirely fine print, must be in eight point type or something. And it lists everything they're not responsible for. I would take most of it as common sense, but I suppose legally they have to say something about it. It declares them not liable for any of the blood tests being wrong (for HIV, Syphylis, Hepatitis, and others), not being responsible if the child has any attachment disorders, ADHD, and other things, and not to be held liable if the government of Ethiopia denies us.
That's a lot of stuff to worry about and a lot of hurdles to jump, but I signed all the papers and now I feel like I'm pregnant, just waiting for the day when I can deliver. We've started looking at new furniture for Dagny so we can move her crib and changing table into the nursery and I've started nesting a little, wanting to find that perfect little comforter for his bed. I suppose the wise thing would be to wait, but when did any new mother do anything wise?
Now we have to send the papers in and organize a home study. So someone will come into my house and see how everything works, what our plans are, what our reason are. And you know what worries me the most about that visit? My dogs. They're crazy and occasionally quite rude and I don't want anything to happen because of them. Is that weird?
And an update on Granny. I know she doesn't have anything to do with the adoption, per se, but she's a driving force in my life and so affects almost everything I do. The MRI showed that she had a stroke in the left hemisphere and it appears like she's lost the last 40 years. We try and see her almost every day, but she doesn't really know who we are. And she's mad at Jack, Vicki, and Verne for not visiting. I don't have the heart to tell her that they are all dead now, have been for awhile. I just say I'll do my best to try and get them in for a visit.
It's breaking my heart. We just moved her close to us in July and now we have to pack up her stuff and move it again, since she can't keep the apartment at the assisted living place. We've got to find a place to put her stuff in storage until (with luck and prayer) she can return. The only bonus of that is, with her not standing over my shoulder while I pack, I can get rid of everything that has passed its expiration date, which is half her apartment.
What a loaded word! So, the application we mailed in said ten days to two weeks before we heard back. So...when two weeks passed, unable to hold myself back, I called.
We've been accepted. Our packet is on the way. This is the beginning of the paper pregnancy, the home studies, the passports, the immunizations (dengue fever, anyone?) and waiting for us at the end....a beautiful baby boy.
I sort of feel like I did when I was pregnant: overwhelmed and completely lost. Yeah, that's about it. And not everyone seems to be excited and supportive, which sometimes makes me doubt that what I'm doing is right. I know God called me, but wouldn't he let other people know they should support his decision?
Hmmm...And then I wonder if I will be a good mom to two, when my attention is divided from the one who has it all now. Will she be jealous? W ill she be angry?
So far, she seems to like the idea. We're talking to her about having a brother and she repeats the word with great enthusiasm. She even helped a bit when I sorted through her clothes to find the things a little boy could wear. She very seriously placed a shirt into the box I was packing and said 'Brother' with all the sage wisdom of a two year old. Of course, I don't quite think she knows what that means.So now it begins. And there are so many other things happening. I think I put it off this long because I thought that there would be a perfect time, a perfect moment in my life where everything would click. I realize now I was hallucinating, that there is no perfect time, just time.
Last Friday we had to move Marc's grandmother into a nursing home. She may have had a stroke and no longer knows who we are, where she is, what year it is, those kinds of things. She doesn't remember she's diabetic and becomes qute angry when I tell her she has to take a shot. She couldn't care for herself anymore, so to the home it was. And we're in agony over that. She hates it, we hate having her there, but she would be unable to function at our house and I can't quit my job to be a full time nurse. Not only would that be a financial difficulty, but it would be a mental difficulty for me and I want my marriage and home to be nice and comfortable, not hellish. So there's guilt there, as you can see, but we know the people in charge over at the nursing home and they are good people. They take excellent care of the adults that live there.
Granny went for an MRI this morning and we'll find out this afternoon what actually happened. Hopefully...
I guess the waiting is the hard part, huh?I thought I'd write a bit more today while my daughter is sleeping. And this will probably seem very disjointed because its random thoughts, as opposed to something I tried to organize in my head before I started writing.
I haven't really talked at all about my husband, except to say that he was the one who sort of started this whole thing. I know its very unusual for it to be the husband who begins the adoption process, so that only makes him all the more in my eyes. He's going to be 40 in two years and this really stresses him out, and he wants this to happen as soon as possible, but he's been very understanding with my reluctance and never pushed me into making a decision. In fact, once we filled out the application, he never said anything about it lying on the counter and never asked when I was going to send it in. I think he knew I'd do it eventually.
We went to a birthday party the other night and he got to spend some time with little boys, which only reinforced the thought that this is right. He is so patient and loving and I can definitely see that he wants a boy in the family. That's not to say that he doesn't love Dagny, because he does, and it's not to say that he can't play football and rough-house with her, because he does, but I guess boys are just different. So we want a boy.
A BOY? What do I do with a BOY? I know what to do with a girl. But is a boy really all that different? One of my friends says no, they just break more things. Heh. Someone who will break more than Dagny? I better have my entire house made over again in plastic before we leave. Bulletproof plastic.
I already know where I want to put his room and how I want to paint it. And I find myself already looking at little boy clothes in the store, which is bad since I feel like buying them. But I don't think I'm quite jumping the gun yet, though perhaps I am. I'll manage to wait until the real paperwork is underway, I think.
We haven't shared what we are doing with too many people. Some people think this is great, others don't and I'm not ready for the disapproving looks. For some reason, it reminds me of when I was pregnant and I told people before the first trimester was over and got a rather odd reaction from some people, including my mother. I wanted them to be jubilant, to be as excited as I was, and they weren't. And in a way, it crushed me. I don't want people to do that to me this time. I want everyone who knows to be as excited as I am.
I told husband's granny the other day what we were doing. She gave me a disapproving look and said I should adopt from within our county, since there are children here who needs parents.
She's right, but there are children everywhere who need parents. What does it matter where the child comes from? If I can bring a child into my family and give him a good home and love, does it really matter where he comes from originally? If every family that was capable could take a child into their homes, we wouldn't have the terribly over-crowded orphanages that exist in some places, with the small faces that turn so desperately to the sunlight of love.
This would be why I am pro-choice. Yes, life is precious. Yes, we should protect it at all costs, but who are we to tell a woman she has to have the baby if WE are not willing to take care of it once it's born?
All right, this is going to sound a little weird to some people, but God has called me. Now, I'm not the most loyal of christians, though I go to church every week. My views on Christianity are a bit loose (including reincarnation and Jesus being married) and so I fugyred that, according to most Christians that I know, I would be the last person that God would poke.But poke me he did.
It was a small way, really. My husband brought home a packet of information about international adoption and pulled out the sheet on Ethiopia. He then left it on the kitchen table for me to look at when I realized it was there.I saw it finally and wondered what it was doing there. I asked him and he shrugged and said "I just thought maybe, since you were adopted, maybe you'd want to adopt a little boy."
We have a daughter, who was born to us, and my pregnancy was easy. What came after, however, was awful. My post-partum involved therapy, support groups, suggestions of medications, and terrible dreams and images, all of which constituted to making me decide I never wanted to be pregnant again. But adoption doesn't involve pregnancy, does it?
So I thought about it for a bit and then went to bed. And I dreamed. Oh, how I dreamed. Of a tall black man, graduating from college, and I knew in the dream he was my son. And his name was Abraham. It was completely bizarre and when I woke up the next morning, I knew God had called me to do this, that it was my duty in this life to bring a child from a war-torn continent and give him a life he would be unable to have where he was. And it was a very powerful realization.
Over the course of a few weeks, my faith lagged. I found myself afraid, terrified, of bringing another child into the family. How would I get time to myself? It's hard enough with a two year old, much less another baby. What would I do? Would I feel trapped? Would I BE trapped? And so I never filled out the paperwork.Then, a month ago, we sat down and filled it out. And it sat on the counter for three weeks, with me alternatly staring at it and debating throwing it away.
And then we went on vacation. And on vacation, I was able to get up early every day to go for a walk in the woods, God's temple, where I found it far easier to get in touch with him than I had anywhere else. Where better to pray than somewhere made by his hands and not the hands of man? And I realized I was ready.
So we came home and the next day, I mailed the application with the check to America World Adoption. And now we get to wait for them to accept us. And when they do, I start the 'paper pregnancy' which hopefully does not come with post partum.And on a side note, the night I had mailed the paperwork, my daughter and I watched Sesame Street and it was about one of the women, Gina, adopting a baby from Guatemala. When Elmo went up to her and asked her what adoption was, they sang a beautiful little song and I began to cry.
And God tells me I'm doing the right thing.
Originally, I was blogging somewhere else, so I am going to try and move my blog posts from that other place to here, by copying and pasting, so I can keep all our writings in one spot. I'm going to try that now, and then I will write again.