Waiting is the Hard Part

August 9th, 2007

I guess the waiting is the hard part, huh?I thought I'd write a bit more today while my daughter is sleeping. And this will probably seem very disjointed because its random thoughts, as opposed to something I tried to organize in my head before I started writing.

I haven't really talked at all about my husband, except to say that he was the one who sort of started this whole thing. I know its very unusual for it to be the husband who begins the adoption process, so that only makes him all the more in my eyes. He's going to be 40 in two years and this really stresses him out, and he wants this to happen as soon as possible, but he's been very understanding with my reluctance and never pushed me into making a decision. In fact, once we filled out the application, he never said anything about it lying on the counter and never asked when I was going to send it in. I think he knew I'd do it eventually.

We went to a birthday party the other night and he got to spend some time with little boys, which only reinforced the thought that this is right. He is so patient and loving and I can definitely see that he wants a boy in the family. That's not to say that he doesn't love Dagny, because he does, and it's not to say that he can't play football and rough-house with her, because he does, but I guess boys are just different. So we want a boy.

A BOY? What do I do with a BOY? I know what to do with a girl. But is a boy really all that different? One of my friends says no, they just break more things. Heh. Someone who will break more than Dagny? I better have my entire house made over again in plastic before we leave. Bulletproof plastic.

I already know where I want to put his room and how I want to paint it. And I find myself already looking at little boy clothes in the store, which is bad since I feel like buying them. But I don't think I'm quite jumping the gun yet, though perhaps I am. I'll manage to wait until the real paperwork is underway, I think.

We haven't shared what we are doing with too many people. Some people think this is great, others don't and I'm not ready for the disapproving looks. For some reason, it reminds me of when I was pregnant and I told people before the first trimester was over and got a rather odd reaction from some people, including my mother. I wanted them to be jubilant, to be as excited as I was, and they weren't. And in a way, it crushed me. I don't want people to do that to me this time. I want everyone who knows to be as excited as I am.

I told husband's granny the other day what we were doing. She gave me a disapproving look and said I should adopt from within our county, since there are children here who needs parents.

She's right, but there are children everywhere who need parents. What does it matter where the child comes from? If I can bring a child into my family and give him a good home and love, does it really matter where he comes from originally? If every family that was capable could take a child into their homes, we wouldn't have the terribly over-crowded orphanages that exist in some places, with the small faces that turn so desperately to the sunlight of love.

This would be why I am pro-choice. Yes, life is precious. Yes, we should protect it at all costs, but who are we to tell a woman she has to have the baby if WE are not willing to take care of it once it's born?