Acceptance

August 22, 2007

What a loaded word! So, the application we mailed in said ten days to two weeks before we heard back. So...when two weeks passed, unable to hold myself back, I called.

We've been accepted. Our packet is on the way. This is the beginning of the paper pregnancy, the home studies, the passports, the immunizations (dengue fever, anyone?) and waiting for us at the end....a beautiful baby boy.

I sort of feel like I did when I was pregnant: overwhelmed and completely lost. Yeah, that's about it. And not everyone seems to be excited and supportive, which sometimes makes me doubt that what I'm doing is right. I know God called me, but wouldn't he let other people know they should support his decision?

Hmmm...And then I wonder if I will be a good mom to two, when my attention is divided from the one who has it all now. Will she be jealous? W ill she be angry?

So far, she seems to like the idea. We're talking to her about having a brother and she repeats the word with great enthusiasm. She even helped a bit when I sorted through her clothes to find the things a little boy could wear. She very seriously placed a shirt into the box I was packing and said 'Brother' with all the sage wisdom of a two year old. Of course, I don't quite think she knows what that means.So now it begins. And there are so many other things happening. I think I put it off this long because I thought that there would be a perfect time, a perfect moment in my life where everything would click. I realize now I was hallucinating, that there is no perfect time, just time.

Last Friday we had to move Marc's grandmother into a nursing home. She may have had a stroke and no longer knows who we are, where she is, what year it is, those kinds of things. She doesn't remember she's diabetic and becomes qute angry when I tell her she has to take a shot. She couldn't care for herself anymore, so to the home it was. And we're in agony over that. She hates it, we hate having her there, but she would be unable to function at our house and I can't quit my job to be a full time nurse. Not only would that be a financial difficulty, but it would be a mental difficulty for me and I want my marriage and home to be nice and comfortable, not hellish. So there's guilt there, as you can see, but we know the people in charge over at the nursing home and they are good people. They take excellent care of the adults that live there.

Granny went for an MRI this morning and we'll find out this afternoon what actually happened. Hopefully...